You know how WWE always seems a little bit… different when it’s overseas? Well, last night’s show opening had to be one of the most bizarre segments ever. Not only did we find out that The Authority was on vacation (really?), we had Brad Maddox and suited-up Kane arguing about Randy Orton’s opponent. The Result? Orton got stuck in a 2-on-1 match against the tag-team champions. Huh? Because, really, WWE, it makes the MOST sense if your HEEL AUTHORITY FIGURES put the HEEL CHAMPION in a handicap match against the BABYFACE CHAMPIONSHIP TEAM….
Their match wasn’t bad, though. Want to talk about it? Orton walked away… again. Next!
Hey y’all, remember that time Santino Marella teamed up with Los Matadores to take on 3MB – er, “The Union Jacks” – in a winning effort? And then crowd absolutely loved El Torrito? And Santino wore bull horns? And the whole thing was so gosh darn funny? NEXT!
Any hopes for Damien Sandow moving on to bigger and better things (including a possible feud against Cena) were squashed last night as he returned to mid-card duty against Kofi Kingston. Listen, I’m okay with the fact that WWE didn’t want “the big gold belt” around the waist of Sandow. What I’m struggling with is this idea that Money In The Bank hasn’t meant anything for the last two years. Ziggler? Sandow? Cena? Orton? They’ve all cashed in, and either failed to win it, or lost the title immediately. CM Punk is a star in part because MiTB was a huge coup. Let’s make the contract mean something again.
Speaking of the mid-card, I’d love to welcome Dolph Ziggler back as well. And honestly, I love having the guy here because he gets to put together some lengthy matches against solid opponents. He should’ve won the IC Championship last night. Period. Unfortunately, WWE apparently thinks that having a title around the waist of Paul Heyman’s main lackey makes Heyman a little more legit. Poor Intercontinental Championship.
Heyman returned to RAW, broke up with Ryback, and promised bigger and better things for the future. Then Punk beat the crap out of him again. Awkward segment, awkward timing, and wholly unnecessary.
Cena beat both members of The Real Americans. Glad to see Cena’s come back with a focus on putting over younger talent…
Ryback “wrestled” (term used very loosely here) R Truth for a chance to see which man could become slightly less irrelevant than before. It sucked. At least Del Rio against Big E Langston was alright. NEXT!
The main event ended in an awesome, battle royal, tag-team extravaganza. The Shield and The Wyatt Family faced off briefly (and the crowd sided with Ambrose, Reigns, and Rollins – future babyface turn?) in what was probably the most exciting thing about RAW last night. I love the idea that all these teams – including a Punk/Bryan pairing – could be used in this way to rejuvenate a fledgling WWE Tag Team division. But, based off past experience, it’s probably not going to happen. Oh well… NEXT!
Overall show felt like a bizarro version of the WWE RAW product we’ve come to know and love (tolerate? put up with?). Matches were… OKAY… and the story segments were… MEH. If you didn’t watch RAW, you didn’t miss much. If you did? At least we briefly got to witness The Wyatt Family vs The Shield. That was worth something.