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Tonight’s Raw features special guests Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne. It includes a triple threat match featuring Chris Jericho, The Big Show and WWE Champ John Cena. A US Title match between Evan Bourne and Champ, The Miz. Plus, a #1 contenders Divas Battle Royal, and a whole lot more.
We begin with special guest hosts Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne already in the ring. They recap Ozzy’s two previous appearances with the WWE. They are interrupted by the US Champion The Miz. Ozzy is the MAN! Really. Miz wants the Osbournes to erase last weeks loss to Evan Bourne. They get interrupted by Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes of Legacy. They complain about Kofi Kingston destroying the NASCAR they bought for Randy Orton last week. Welllll, it’s the Big Show. He comes to the ring and says he demands an apology from the Raw roster for the beat-down they administered to him last week. Ozzy is the MAN! (did I mention that?) They are interrupted by DX. They plug Ozzy’s (and their own) book. Ozzy announces that the Miz will take on Evan Brawn (sic) tonight for the US Title. Sharon announces that Kobi (sic) Kingston will face Randy Orton. HHH calls the Big Show. “Benedict Fat-Guy.” Ozzy announces that tonight there’s a triple threat match. John Cena vs. Chris Jericho vs. The Big Show. They end the segment with Ozzy joining DX in a suck it crotch chop pose.
Evan Bourne vs. US Champion The Miz in a title match
Good match. Hopefully the WWE sees that these two work well in a match together and put them in a feud. Endgame: Bourne goes to the top rope to attempt an Air-Bourne. Miz rolls out of the way and hip tosses him into the corner. Miz hits Bourne with a Skull-Crushing Finale for the 1-2-3. Your winner as a result of a pinfall and still US Champion The Miz.
Backstage Josh Matthews interviews Sheamus. (I’m resisting urge to call him McFly.) WOW! He is really Irish. He says Ozzy should have ended his career a long time ago, and tonight he will end Jamie Noble’s career.
Sheamus vs. Jamie Noble
King makes the observation that Sheamus’ body has never seen the sun. Noble never really gets into this match, and McFly just beats him inside and outside the ring. Endgame: Sheamus punches Noble in the corner, and I’m not sure but I think the ref was about to announce Sheamus the winner by knockout…but Sheamus kicks Noble out of the ring and proceeds to Powebomb him on the FLOOR! Paramedics arrive and carry out Noble on a backboard. Your winner…..????
After break we recap last weeks Raw. Here’s Kofi Kingston walking to the ring, and talking to Josh Matthews. He says that while he destroyed Randy’s NASCAR, he left him the mirror, so he could see who really is responsible for him losing the WWE Title. Who knew he could cut a good promo?
Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston.
Kofi gets in some good offense including a great high drop kick, and a suicide plancha landing on Orton and the interfering Legacy. Ozzy and Sharon appear on the Titan-tron and announce that this is now a 6 man tag team match. Randy Orton and Legacy vs. Kofi Kingston, MVP and Mark Henry. Steady offense with high spots from both teams. Kofi and MVP even do a “boom drop and ballin’” on DiBiase. Endgame: Rhodes climbs the ropes for a Cross-body and Henry catches him, and drops him with a Worlds-Strongest Slam for the 1-2-3. Your winners as a result of a pinfall, Kofi Kingston, MVP, and Mark Henry.
After break, King introduces Sharon and Ozzy for the WWE’s Got Talent segment. The judges are Sharon, Ozzy, and The Great Khali. (why not?) Your first contestant… Santino. Dressed as Ozzy, he bites the head off a Batman action figure. He gets an X. Your next contestant is Chris Masters jiggling his pecs to Crazy Train. Hilarious, but he gets an X. Your next contestants are Chavo and Jillian. They attempt to sing Ozzy and Lita Ford’s “If I Close My Eyes Forever.” Needless to say, they get an X. They approach the ring Jillian sings a Britney Spears song and gets slapped by Sharon. Chavo gets in Sharon’s face and Khali chops Chavo right on the head. Out comes Hornswoggle with an afro wig and dark glasses. Cole makes the obvious joke, Jack-swoggle. He delivers a splash to a knocked out Chavo.
After break, we learn that pro boxer Ricky Hatton will host next weeks Raw from England. In the ring, we see The Bella Twins, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Gail Kim and Alicia Fox.
6 diva Battle Royal for the #1 Contender spot. Order of elimination: Gail Kim, Bella Twins, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly. Your winner and #1 Divas Championship contender: Alicia Fox.
After a Rey/Batista recap, we go backstage to see Chris Jericho harassing Ozzy and Sharon. Elsewhere, DX harasses Jack-swoggle. John Cena rescues him by channeling his inner Danny Vermin (Google it, kids) by saying, “You should never hang a leprechaun on a hook. My uncle hung a leprechaun on a hook once, ONCE.” The three discuss their upcoming triple threat match at the Survivor Series PPV. Cena ends it by saying he doesn’t have two words for ya, he has four… “The Champ is Here!” HBK says he is begging people to get their own material.
After a recap of last weeks Raw roster beat-down of the Big Show, DX joins King and Cole on commentary.
WWE Champ John Cena vs. The Big Show vs. Chris Jericho in a triple threat match
DX on commentary is pure comedic gold. Halfway through the match, Jeri-show take their turns teaming up to beat Cena down. Which can only mean one thing, they will inevitably turn on each other. That moment comes when Show pulls Jericho off Cena during a pinfall attempt. Jericho slaps show, and Show tosses him over the top rope. Endgame: Cena shoulder tackles Show out of the ring, Cena drops Jericho with a shoulder tackle, and here comes the 5 knuckle shuffle. Just as he goes for the Attitude Adjustment, he gets punched by Show. Jericho gets the 1-2-3. Your winner as a result of a pinfall, Chris Jericho.
Post-match. Jericho puts Cena in the Walls of Jericho, and Show Colossal clutches him. DX tries to make the save, but HBK gets knocked out by a Show punch, and HHH gets a Code-breaker for his troubles.
Thank you and good night - James Serino.
Views: 780
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