Tonight we emanate from beautiful Dallas, Texas.

RIP Umaga.

We begin with tonight’s special guest host, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban in the ring getting Foley-esque cheap pops.

WWE Champ John Cena vs. Carlito in a non-title match
Carlito gets in some offense, but it doesn’t last. Cena starts his comeback, and just as he does, Sheamus’ music plays, and he appears at the ramp. Cuban, previously sitting ringside, goes to meet him at the ramp. This doesn’t sit well Sheamus, and he approaches Cubes. The two are separated by security. Endgame: Carlito attempts his Backstabber, Cena turns it into an Attitude Adjustment for the 1-2-3. Your winner as a result of a pinfall, John Cena.

Randy Orton and Legacy cut an in-ring promo on Mark Cuban. Orton wants Cubes to lift the ban on Randy not facing Cena for the Title. Cuban declines. DiBiase brings up the last time Mark was on WWE TV, when Orton delivered an RKO to Cuban at Survivor Series 2003. Cubes books Randy into a rematch against Kofi, with Cuban as the referee. Cody Rhodes challenges Cuban to a match. Cuban declines, and will take it up after the Mavericks win the NBA Title in June.

Evan Bourne and Primo vs. Legacy
Primo gets most of the punishment, including an old school “ref didn’t see it” hot tag to Bourne. Endgame: Ted DiBiase hits Evan with Dreamstreets for the 1-2-3. Your winners as a result of a pinfall, Legacy. Post-match, Cuban kicks Legacy out of the building.

Special guest ring announcer Kelly Kelly introduces the Divas in the next match.

Maryse vs. Gail Kim
Standard Divas match here. Endgame: Gail tries to climb the ropes, Maryse kicks her off, and pins her using the ropes for the 1-2-3. Your winner, Maryse. Post-match, Maryse takes umbrage with the fact that Kelly didn’t announce her as the next Divas Champion and then proceeds to punish her for it. Melina appears and makes the save.

Backstage, DX hawk their wares, and play videogames. Hornswoggle appears and shows off his new t-shirt. He climbs a ladder, and jumps over the Christmas tree onto DX.

Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston w/ special guest referee Mark Cuban
Kofi looks pretty good throughout the match. Endgame: Orton sets up Kofi for the RKO, Kofi reverses it into a backslide, and Cuban counts the fastest 1-2-3 ever. Your winner, Kofi Kingston. Post-match, Cuban books Kofi into a match with Orton at the TLC PPV.

Mark Henry vs. US Champ The Miz in a title match
Mark takes some punishment from the ringpost and metal stairs outside the ring. Endgame: Miz attempts a cross body block in the ring, but Henry catches him. Miz reverses it into a DDT for the 1-2-3. Your winner, and still US Champ, The Miz.

Chavo Guerrero and Jillian vs. Hornswoggle and Eve in a mixed tag team match
Eve looks great tonight. Endgame: Eve does a forward somersault drop onto Jillian for the 1-2-3. Your winners, Hornswoggle and Eve.

Post-match, Chavo grabs Swoggs by the neck, and throws him aside. Eve gets in Chavo’s face. Chavo starts to advance on Eve, just as he does, Chris Masters who was previously sitting ringside, enters the ring and takes off his shirt. Chavo pokes him in the pec, and that means only one thing. That’s right. The Boob-Bounce is back baby! Masters mesmerizes all of us and Chavo alike. He gets Chavo in the Master-lock and slams him down. He exits the ring with Eve and Hornswoggle stands over Chavo trying to the Boob-bounce (manually).

Chris Jericho vs. DX in a handicapped match
Pre-match, Jericho cuts an in-ring promo. Jericho barely gets in any offense as DX keeps him in the corner with frequent tags. Jericho shoves the ref into HHH and knocks the ref out. Big Show enters the ring, and Jeri-Show use a ladder and chairs to destroy DX. Jericho ascends the ladder with both undisputed belts. Your winner(s), ?????

Mark Cuban is in the ring and he brings out Sheamus and Cena for a question and answer session. Both men yell at each other for a while, until they tear apart the podium, tables and chairs that were in the ring. Sheamus shoves down Cuban, and kicks Cena in the mush. He props up a table in the corner, and Cuban pushes him down. Not smart. Sheamus stands up and knees Mark right in the cubes. He then picks up Cuban and drives him through the propped up table. He leaves the ring, Cena stands up and the two have a stare down from across the arena.

Fade to black, good night from Dallas.
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