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WWE RAW Hangover: On a Private Island Somewhere

You pretty much get one show now – the night immediately following WrestleMania – where all the part-timers have a chance of showing up and doing some stuff. Seven days later? Back to business as usual. But at least we got to see Ryback wrestle… Twice!

SEGMENTS

Kane and Big Show seem bound and determined to open up every single episode of all WWE programming. Like, next week on NXT we’re going to have WWE’s two resident big men challenging the young guns to a “who can enter the ring slower” contest. It’ll be awesome. And look out Total Divas – the drunken shenanigans of Big Show and Kane oughta be great for ratings, right?

At least that Seth Rollins kid can cut one heck of a promo… And Randy Orton seems vaguely interested in doing stuff again. (He called it “the most impressive RKO ever” when, in reality, that award still belongs to that incredible Evan Bourne/RKO connection). We’ll see how long this face run lasts.

John Cena talked a little bit about being a fighting champion again and – hey – Rusev still didn’t answer the call. Along those same lines, a bunch of Divas demanded a championship match (because what else are you going to do without AJ Lee?) and Kane obliged, giving them a battle royale next week on Raw. No word yet on whether or not Big Show’s Andre trophy is on the line.

Thank goodness Sheamus came out and addressed the rumors about him joining the Mad Max: Fury Road sequel. A HEEL DOESN’T NEED YOUR APPROVAL FOR THE WAY HE LOOKS.

WWE RAW ended with Seth Rollins proving again that no matter what you do, you’re only one curb stomp away from… being… curb stomped again.

MATCHES

Can somebody please line up a Seth Rollins/Neville cape-vs-belt, “Best of Seven” series? Winner gets the old FCW championship. There’s your WWE programming for the next five months.

Lucha Dragons and A New Day gave us something to talk about. New Day just works so much better as a heel faction, and the Lucha Dragons are over like Grover. These two teams had great chemistry. And – thank goodness – The Ascension was away somewhere, probably standing in line for the Mad Max: Fury Road midnight opening (that’s TWICE in one article, baby).

grover

John Cena and Stardust had a great match, too. For people complaining about John Cena “not putting over younger guys” for so long, this United States Championship run is going to give him plenty of opportunities to do exactly that.

Seriously… somebody tell Mr. McMahon that pairing Roman Reigns with Big Show does him no favors. Reigns needs a guy who can work. (but man, that #RAWAustin crowd loved him, huh?)

Solid triple-threat between Orton, Ryback, and Reigns. WWE RAW needs more episode-long storylines that culminate in something worthwhile (like a number-one contendership or the like). Simple, effective storytelling.

OTHER

-Why would Kane, a heel authority figure, put three GOOD GUYS in a match to determine a number-one contender? Illogical booking is illogical booking.

-That sure was a pro-WWE crowd. They should have WWE RAW there every week.

-Where was Daniel Bryan?

-Where was Paul Heyman?

-That announce team had ZERO chemistry. Sorry, Byron Saxton… and was Booker T intentionally stiffing him on color commentary?

OVERALL SHOW: 7 Superman Punches out of 10

Maybe I liked this show more than you. Maybe it was because I’m biased AGAINST three-on-three main events, and biased IN FAVOR OF any WWE RAW that’s really wrasslin’ heavy. Or maybe I just really like Ryback.

What did you think of last night’s WWE RAW? Let us know in the comments below!

About Michael A. Wiseman

Michael A. Wiseman
Michael is a pro wrestling enthusiast and all-around geek. When not blogging, he likes to catch up on TV shows or dig into the latest tech news.

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