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WWE RAW Hangover: Taxicab Confessions

You never know quite what you’re going to get with these overseas RAW tapings, but the recent trend has seen guys turn face and/or heel as WWE concludes its ‘WrestleMania Revenge’ tour. Last night’s wrestling-heavy show was no different. But was it any good? Read on to find out…

Complete WWE RAW Results from 4/13/2015

Matches

Having John Cena open the show against Bad News Barrett for the United States Championship was a hot way to kick things off. It got the crowd excited (man they LOVE their hometown heroes), and Barrett looked good in defeat. I especially liked Barrett’s “Bang Bang!” elbow drop from the apron. I stand by it: this is a good spot for Cena, a great spot for the US Title, and an even better spot for the younger guys who need a nudge.

There was a Divas Battle Royale. And of course Paige wins. Because, of course.

The Ascension took on Lucha Dragons in a mere shell of their great match from NXT TakeOver last year. People love ‘em some Lucha Dragons. And they hate…er, feel completely indifferent… to some Ascension. Guess it’s time to repackage Konnor and Viktor as a Blues Brothers-esque comedy duo?

Randy Orton beat Cesaro with some dumb, ham-fisted, #AnotherDamagedAngle DQ finish. Even worse? The reigning Tag Team Champions – you know, the two guys who are supposedly better than EVERY OTHER TEAM IN THE WORLD – lost a handicap match to ONE MAN. There’s a reason those belts look like pennies, folks.

This is weird: Damien Mizdown and The Miz did exactly what they did last week, just with the opposite outcome. WWE was all like, “Hey, remember when you were all complaining that our blow-off match was really short? Well… you can shove it.”

My just-made-up-on-the-spot match-of-the-night no-trophy-needed giants-not-allowed “I do it ‘till I’m…” WWE RAW award goes to Neville and Dolph Ziggler. Yes, it was weird to have two open challenges on one night, but at least Vince & co. gave us some reason for two babyface heroes to fight. Both of these guys are super talented, and they took on some incredible spots for the live crowd to witness. I’ve often been a little bit down on Neville, but showings like THAT convince me he’s ready for the big leagues.

Segments

I absolutely loved the Bray Wyatt promo – he gets darker, he gets creepier, and (yes) he gets better every week. The overuse of “love,” the giant fur shoulders, everything. It was awesome.

“Roman speaks” – because that’s the segment you want to advertise to your fans. Like, hey, if you don’t like this man, don’t watch the next segment (we have some Bishoff-level trolls somewhere on the WWE production crew). Seriously though, Roman Reigns did a great job of holding his own. He sounded collected and meaningful. It’s just too bad they have him paired with THE SAME GUY he feuded with only two months ago.hawaiian punch

(Also, somebody please tell Reigns to stop saying “punch” so much. It just makes me think of that little guy from the Hawaiian drink.)

 

Apparently, if you’re fed up with your spot on the card, just come out and say, “Hey y’all, I want to be good now,” like Fandango did last night. And fans will cheer. It’s like if Vince Russo was hired to book a kindergarten class… so, basically, it’s like Vince Russo.

Naomi beat the snot out of Paige in one of those “didn’t Alicia Fox do this exact same thing last year (before she went crazy and started dumping soda on her head)” angles. At least I know who Naomi is now, right?

I might be in the minority on this one, but I actually liked the Kane/Seth Rollins angle. There’s a reason Kane has been around so long – he’s a veteran. He gets the in-ring storytelling. Great inner turmoil here, and I look forward to seeing what happens with Kane next. (really? really.)

Randy Orton and Seth Rollins had to be all “fancy schmancy” with their stipulations and roll out the black carpet/leather sofa set. Rollins’ stipulation actually made a lot of sense. But Orton looked like a fool by saying, “I want the Authority to stay away from ringside so… BRING OUT THE STEEL CAGE.” No, not even the Hell in a Cell (which, you know, is actually closed on the top), or something as simple as banning the Authority from ringside.

Heck, why didn’t Orton counter with a “You can only with the match if your name starts with R-A-N-D-Y” stipulation? Or a five-on-one handicap match in his favor? What about a Bunkhouse Brawl?

That’s when I get upset with pro wrestling: when they dumb down the product and expect us to overlook the obvious. Ugh.

Other

-That camera color, tho.

-With gloves and flippers for hands, Sin Cara finally completed his evolution into a dolphin.

dolphin

-Somebody say “Bitch.” Everybody go “OOOOOHHHHHHhhhhhhh.” Cheap pop complete.

-So ARE we getting a “wife beater on a pole” match between Dean Ambrose and Luke Harper at Extreme Rules? If Vince Russo was involved, actual wives would probably be beaten.

Overall Rating: 3 hard to understand audience chants out of 5

Good? Bad? Meh? I’ve seen many episodes of WWE RAW that were much, much worse. But I’ve seen better ones, too. At least it wasn’t Total Divas?

Revisit our WWE RAW Hangover from last week

Check out what we thought of WWE WrestleMania 31

About Michael A. Wiseman

Michael A. Wiseman
Michael is a pro wrestling enthusiast and all-around geek. When not blogging, he likes to catch up on TV shows or dig into the latest tech news.

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